The Twins
Olukayode and Folashade: 1988 During His Call to Bar
Wednesday, 24 August 2011
A Pastor's Response....
I still feel bereft but today, as I survey the future and try to see a clear path forward, I want to share with you the response of a Pastor to my 'eulogy' made those many months ago. It blessed me at the time and I pray it encourages you at this time:
“First of all please accept my condolences on the painful loss of your sister. Twelve years ago I lost my immediate older brother at the tender age of 43. Like you, I looked up to my sibling in many ways and was often conscious of his superior abilities and achievements. But I cannot pretend to understand what it means to lose a twin. I recall the words of one of the twin publishers of the Guinness book of records, the late Norris McWhirter, when his identical twin brother Ross was assassinated by an IRA bomb in 1975: "It's as if half of you has been taken." May the Holy Spirit, "the other Comforter" promised and sent by our Lord Jesus Christ, whom you evidently know intimately, comfort you and strengthen you in all His grace and mercy, through the love of our Almighty Father!
The other reason why I write is to express deep gratitude for ministering to us, your brothers and sisters in Christ throughout the world who have read your eulogy. I read it in today's Guardian online and immediately HAD to send it to a dear friend who has just lost a relative - a deeply devoted Christian with an outstanding testimony - in the Haiti earthquake. The friend's response was immediate and positive. You may not be conscious of what you have done. You merely set out to express your heart about your beloved sister. But God has used what you wrote to accomplish "exceedingly abundantly" above anything that we can imagine. Indeed, our best deeds as Christians are often done when we act in character without any thought of reward or recognition.
Paul never intended to write scripture: it was his deep pastoral love and care for the church that made him put pen to parchment, often in tears and anguish over the little flock scattered about in Asia and Europe. The Holy Spirit used this to create masterpieces of theological exposition that have been of immeasurable benefit to the church through the ages. As a church pastor, I often have to deal with grieving, questioning brethren. And herein my other reason for gratitude to you: a large part of helping the bereaved is often educating them on the true import of death for a true believer.
Increasingly I find that I must start by first deprogramming them of a mindset that sees physical death as the ultimate disaster. Unfortunately, we pastors are at fault, since we have taught them (either explicitly or by implication) that success is measured in material terms, so it is entirely logical for them to come to that conclusion or adopt that mindset! The symptoms are everywhere: two examples should suffice - (i) testimonies are focused on material breakthroughs (when last did you hear a testimony of greater consecration, a besetting sin overcome, etc.?); (ii) a child of God dies 'unexpectedly' (you know what I mean... either suddenly in an accident, or in defiance of a whole string of "prophecies" promising miraculous healing) and no one talks about it, or everyone acts as if nothing happened; when in fact it was an occasion for celebrating someone's graduation!
I once had to confront a fellow pastor who spoke as if death was the worst thing that could happen. Unknown to this pastor, a young person in the congregation happened to have lost their spouse after a painful struggle with cancer. Both of them were devoted Christians. This person was distraught and I had to spend some time ministering to them to restore their equanimity. In complete contrast, in your article, you exhibit the type of faith and character I often urge on my grieving brethren. You do not minimise your loss or the reality of your grief; at the same time you are not mourning like those who have no hope (1st Thessalonians 4:13).
You rightly recognize that your beloved sister has run her race and finished her course, and to paraphrase Paul again, has received the crown of righteousness laid up for her (2nd Timothy 4:8). I am not easily moved but I must confess that what you wrote brought tears to my eyes. I hope one day to have the privilege of meeting you in person - I know it will ultimately happen, if not here on earth definitely in glory. I would also love to meet your pastor or whoever it was that brought you up in the Lord to have the right outlook in these matters.
They are to be commended for contending for the true faith. May the Lord who gives peace that passes understanding, fill you with joy and peace as you remember your sister's life. May the Father of all mercies and the Lord of all comfort comfort her husband, children and other loved ones. Once again, thank you for sharing not just your grief, but the One who makes our lives worth living; the One of whom David testified that His loving kindness was better than life itself. To Him who sits on the throne, the immortal, invisible, and only wise God, be glory for ever and ever, amen!”
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Dear Olu,
ReplyDeleteI knew your sister many (25) years ago as a friend of a friend. She was a beautiful (inside and outside) lady then and judging by your comments and what people have said about her - remained so up until her passing.
I don't have a twin so I cannot even imagine what you must be going through, but I pray that you will be consoled by the promise of God: Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5.
He will turn your mourning to dancing.
I believe Folasade had a positive effect on a great many people in her short lifetime and I pray that thought will always succour and soothe you and Folasade's entire family.
Stay blessed
Adeyola
Adeyola, if i may have permission to call you that, may i thank you profusely, first for reading the blog, being a friend to my twin and for your very encouraging words, every word, each prayer and seperate thoughts you have had towards me all help me on my journey towards coping better. I really needed it and am grateful.....
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