Time to End…..

Until today I never thought I would reach the stage of drawing the curtains on my entries into this blog. I want to thank those who were patient with me when it seemed my grief would never end. Those who accepted my uniqueness as a twin, even when it defied understanding, the many that did not perceive my travails as an indulgence.

It was your sensitive understanding of my plight and my very painful circumstances that has brought me to this place. A place of hope, a place where the memory of my twin will never die, a place where I can begin to compile my blog into a book that will bless and help many others. I am even grateful for those through rebuke urged me to move 'forward', that itself played its part.

You have all enabled me to build a fitting memorial to my twin's memory and I will never forget you. Folashade is smiling right now and so she should.

My situation and life is transformed forever, there will always be a big space for my twin, but now is the time to proceed to a different level….

Heaven has gained another Saint..

I have been in the know for over a few months that the very best of the doctors in Canada had given up on my friend. That the only recourse we had was prayer of the fervent nature. However, God had better ideas and took my friend, my twin sister's chief bridesmaid and best mate to heaven. I am unable to reveal her name at this stage in order to allow the family share the news in their own time and the most apt way.

I have kept wondering why my friend and my twin, so inseparable at university and law school suffered from the same affliction two years apart. I wondered with a friend yesterday, was it the water, the mobile gas cooker the used in Moza? They started university together, read the same course, repeated a year together and graduated from law school together. The mind is in a whirl...

Your smile, your elegance, your considered speech, all these combined to make you the unique person you were. Your pedigree was never in question, yet you did not carry yourself with boastfulness but rather with the humility of a saint. You made a deep impression on my twin, you were always a point of reference to her and now you are reunited together.

My brother-in-law, 'Shade's husband, whom I confided in, broke the news that our friend had departed and gone to heaven. What is certain, what is sure, is that she is now reunited in heaven with my dearest Folashade. You like my twin sister will be sorely missed, Adieu, till we meet again...

The Olympics...

The Olympics Park is absolutely beautiful, I strayed into it when I found myself driving past it last Wednesday. Even with the trepidation at finding myself driving in London I still found time to appreciate the beauty of the Park.

I was driving my mother, nieces (twin's daughters) and my daughter back to Kent to continue their holidays. My nieces had spent two weeks with us and it was a joy to bond with them and make more of a connection. Anytime they are around me I feel closer to my twin.

Yesterday whilst I was relaxing with my wife, watching the Olympics on television, my cousin sent some treasure trove of pictures. I want to share one or two of them with you. I hope it will provide a little understanding what its like to be a twin.

I spoke to a close friends recently about how my twin's passing away had transformed me. She could not appreciate it and offered no empathy, as far as she was concerned I could not have been one with my twin because I was not married to her. I mentioned the uniqueness of our birth and the emotionally connection that brings, but she left me with little understanding. It reinforce my thoughts that the only ones who can understand what a twin goes through are twins themselves.

Olu and Folashade at age 4 in London.

Olu, Folashade and Adebowale with cousins and friends in 1974 aged 8.

All Fun and Games….

My nieces, my twin's two daughters are with us on holiday. It has been good to hear them reminisce about their mother without the hint of pain which they must surely feel.

Today as we were returning from the church service they talked freely about who was my twin's favourite. I am happy that children cope better with grief than we adults for it would have been unbearable to cope with theirs as well as mine.

I have learnt so many things from my nieces about my twin and sometimes I feel a tinge of guilt. Guilt that my living in England, thousands of miles away robbed me of valuable and quality time with Folashade.

I was struck by what one of my nieces said, In her opinion because I was her mother's twin she feels that anything she could ask from her mother she can ask of me as her mother's twin. She went on tho say we were one and the same thing. That is the best thing I have heard since my twin passed on, I can now accept it for it brought an overwhelming joy to my heart, a smile and confidence to face the future.

What is evident now is that my twin's memory soldiers on and that she will never die.

My Aches and Pains..

The aches and pains I have felt since Friday have been of an excruciating kind, the kind that interrupts several nights' rest.

The Monday morning emerged with me facing minimal appetite for work, after a struggle with some tasks, I signed off for the day and proceeded to the dentist. I am grateful that today I am receiving treatment from the dentist to address the aches my gum has caused.

When I look back however, I feel and know, I will have exchanged this ache and pain for my twin to be around, alive and kicking. The gap is still too huge, the pain so raw and on a daily basis it constantly pokes me in the face. It remains so unreal, yet so real.

The only redemption of that ache and pain, is not the dentist or doctor but living my life fully for Christ. That is what I seek and intend to do and doing that means excelling in everything that God has committed into my hands and not staying on the margins or sidelines of issues.

The Prize...

One my Facebook page a few days ago I mimicked the popular Nigerian Pentecostal chorus routinely sang in various circles, 'double, double every time na double, double…' by saying travel, 'travel…every time na travel, travel…'This is in reference to my constant travelling, finding myself in various UK cites by the day and week.

I am glad my journeys are not fruitless or needless but are all in the pursuit of transforming lives. Many atimes I feel unworthy of such a high calling but here I am and I am determined to make a difference. However, we need so much in terms of financial support to continue to make this a reality. You may wish to contact me for more details or visit www.friendsinternational.org.uk

I also continue the travel on my journey through grief, I read a book last week titled 'Surprised by grief', a powerful account of a widow bereft by the loss of her husband and thrown into whirlpool of helplessness, hurt and bitterness. Eventually after the loss of her job and re-creation of her identity was able to move on and find her worth in Christ. Whilst our stories are similar in many respects it does differ in one crucial aspect.

My difficulty, however, is that unlike a wife, husband or even any other sibling, moving on for twins is much more complicated. Twinship is part of what and who we are and so loss of one does not simply create the space nor opportunity to move on. However, as believers we are challenged to focus on the eternal hope to come, that so certain and also so inevitable.

Today we celebrate Tomife, my twin's 2nd daughter who won a price at school, Folashade will have been so proud of her. That is the way to go girl!

My mother with 'Tomife..

A Place Called Hope...

In the darkest days of my grief after my twin sister passed away, I would have contemplated ending it all but for the word called 'hope'. 'Hope' for the future, encapsulated in my children, my wife, my nephews and nieces. Without 'hope' I do not know where I will be today, for I would have despaired of life.

Today in Nigeria we are reminded about the unmissable reality of death and the inescapable fact that it will come our way sometime in the far future. This does not make it easier to accept for no one is ever prepared for it. No one knows for sure what it might bring, it remains the great barrier beyond but we 'hope' and yes we believe that it is for us Christians, a place of rest.

Yesterday, 150 souls were lost in a plane crash, they started their Sunday full of 'hope' and plans and by noon it had become a smouldering and twisted wreck. Their lives had turned to dust, heavens had opened to receive their souls and their relatives were left bereft.

I spoke to my wife's brother-in-law today, he had experienced loss and I asked him what could I say to make things better. I doubt if there is anything but at least I can say I still believe in a word called 'hope' for that is where I come from and where I am going to, the heavenly hope!