'How does he know?'My response would be:
'I think I know because I have experienced two intimate losses in my life time, that of my father and my twin and I have in the case of my father gone through the process.'With my twin it is still on going.
I realise that 5 years after my father's death (he died in 1972) I was still grieving and people could not understand why. It affected my earlier academic attainment and led to me spending two extra years at secondary school, King's College, Lagos. I simply, at that stage, could never concentrate on my studies, some would suggest I became a dullard.
My school reports characterised me as moody and self absolved. Now I see some truth in this as I retreated to my scribbles, drawings and sketches (I was always on top in art in my class). It was only when I became intensely political (contested elections in college etc) was I able to recover my poise and learnt to accept my father's loss. Yes my faith was the foundation of the recovery, for without it who knows where I would have been.
I have gone into this, to help me and maybe you understand what I am going through now and to better understand my culture. In my culture when death occurs everybody turns up (Over 500 people, many from Nigeria, USA, South Africa and Canada travelled in to England for my twin's funeral), people are kind, extremely generous and full of sympathy and even empathy but after the remains are interred, then the reality comes home, the 'full on' support dissipates and you are left in a vacuum with the assumption that he must now be over it. Whereas in Britain, the support is very measured (limited) never full on so that if and when it drops off, it does not make a marked difference.
I was going to discuss C S Lewis 'A Grief Observed' today but I got side tracked into this as I wrote the blog but I am happy I did.
I miss work and feel I am letting others down but then again am getting to a much better place and for that I thank God.
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